THE CHALLENGE

Your daughter says she is stressed-out. ‘At 13?’ you ask yourself in disbelief. ‘She’s too young to know what stress is!’ Before you tell your daughter that, however, consider some reasons why life might seem overwhelming to a young teenage girl.

WHY IT HAPPENS

• Worrying about schoolwork or grades
• Juggling responsibilities, such as school and work or sports
• Problems with friends, bullying, or peer group pressures
• Changing schools, moving, or dealing with housing problems or homelessness
• Having negative thoughts about themselves
• Going through body changes, in both boys and girls
• Seeing parents go through a divorce or separation
• Money problems in the family
• Living in an unsafe home or neighborhood

When Can Stress Be Helpful?

In small amounts, and when kids have the right support, stress can be a positive boost. It can help kids rise to a challenge. It can help them push toward goals, focus their effort, and meet deadlines. This kind of positive stress lets kids build the inner strengths and skills known as resilience.

When Can Stress Be Harmful?

Stress or adversity that is too intense, serious, long-lasting, or sudden can overwhelm a child’s ability to cope. Stress can be harmful when kids don’t have a break from stress, or when they lack the support or the coping skills they need. Over time, too much stress can affect kids’ mental and physical health.

What parents can do:

• Help kids feel safe, loved, and cared for. This is the best way to offset stress. Feeling close to you and knowing you love and accept them is more important than ever. Provide routines, like the same bedtime, eating a meal together, or being there after school. Routines provide a rhythm and let kids know there are things they can count on.
• Teach coping skills. Kids feel better when they know there are things they can do for themselves to offset their stress. Kids of all ages can learn and practice calm breathing and meditation. There are many other skills to learn too.
• Help them take a break from stress. Make time to play, draw or paint, spend time in nature, read a book, play an instrument, be with friends and family. These activities are more than just fun. They help kids and teens feel positive emotions that offset stress.
• Reach out to your child’s doctor or a therapist. Chronic stress sometimes requires more support than a parent can provide alone.
• Advocate for your child. Sometimes, chronic stressors are outside of your child's control. In these cases, it can be helpful for parents to engage with the stressor directly (for example, contacting school staff about bullying).

What Is Traumatic Stress?

This is the stress that comes with trauma events that are serious, intense, or sudden. Traumas such as serious accidents or injuries, threats, abuse, or violence can prompt this type of stress.

Parents can step in to protect kids when they know they are being mistreated or bullied. But it’s not always possible to protect kids from every type of trauma. If kids and teens go through traumatic stress, parents can help them get the care they need to recover.

What parents can do:

• Give kids and teens extra support and care. Be there to listen and talk. Let kids know that they are safe. Validate and accept their feelings. Let them know that, with time, they will feel better.
• Reach out to your child’s doctor or a therapist. Some need therapy to heal from traumatic stress. Parents can take part in the therapy and learn how to best help their child.
• Spend positive time together. Encourage kids and teens to do things they enjoy. These might be things you can do together or things your teen does on their own, like enjoying music, nature, or art. These things prompt positive emotions that can offset some of the stress left over from trauma.
• Give kids and teens a chance to use their strengths in everyday life. Trauma and stress can leave them feeling vulnerable, anxious, or unsure of themselves. Knowing what they can do and who they are as a person can help kids and teens feel strong and confident.

References:

https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201402/teenage-daughter-stressed-out/

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/stress.html